Many of the ‘critical needs’ listed below would appear on most people’s lists of requisite emotions which lead to a satisfying internal life within a normal, healthy relationship. For 10 years I went without these. Deep down I knew they were missing. I knew there was a different and better life out there waiting for me but I was clueless as to the direction.
It’s so very hard to break free from the cycle of confusion when you’re inside that relationship – it creeps up slowly on you. When the other person (the narcissistic abuser) is telling you that you DO indeed have these things, all given to you, generously handed to you (by him) on a plate, oh but he can’t do enough for you, and all you need to do is appreciate him more, and be grateful, and stop being so selfish and complaining.
I was made to feel selfish and wrong for wanting to experience these feelings. I was told other people have it worse – OTHER PEOPLE ARE DISABLED. Back then it was extremely hard for me to see that he was an emotional bully who was warping my mind, distorting my reality, in order to keep me dependent on him, all the while crushing my soul.
If you’re going without these too, I feel your pain. You deserve so much more.
to be listened to
to be understood
to be encouraged
to be supported
to be loved
to be seen
to be celebrated
to be valued
to be appreciated
to be accepted
To have freedom, peace, honesty and some stability.
To have the space to be able to know and trust and feel within your own heart and soul.